i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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