A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
