I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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