So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
