My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
