Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
