I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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