Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
