i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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