my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
