Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
