none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
