I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
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he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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