So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
