this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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