Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
