I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
