THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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