So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
