Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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