She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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