My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
