Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
