Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
