The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
