Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
