I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
