and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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