I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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