maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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