Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
