Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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