I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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