They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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