Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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