apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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