Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
