Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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