You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
