I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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