but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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