At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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