White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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