Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
