I think I won the penis lottery.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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