I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
