I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
