I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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