dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
