I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
