What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
