I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
