aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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