so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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