What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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