he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
