I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
