if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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