Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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