If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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