i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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