By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
