if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
And then he peed in my hair
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