Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
