am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
