Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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