so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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