Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex