Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers