my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks