he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.