someone get that fucking seahorse.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...