Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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