I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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