i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
