ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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