brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
