So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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