What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
