Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
