I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's shark week go big or go home
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
