Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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