guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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