there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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