i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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