call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
