people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
