I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
