I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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