doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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