Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
