I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
