You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize